So, I have decided to kick myself into dealing with clinical depression. By myself. There is no point in in just living like an unmotivated self loathing useless prick holed up in the room. If you read this you don't have to get into a hissy fit and get worried, this shit is pretty common and very much so in IITs. I can deal with this shit, it's nothing. Fuck you depression.

BTW, Here's a description of what depression is like I found on reddit. It's the best description I've read.

"Depression is two beasts, gray anhedonia and black dysphoria. The gray beast smothers, drains, deadens and numbs; the black beast brings misery, anguish, self hatred and despair. They often work together, the gray sucking away every positive feeling and the black feeding everything negative. But sometimes one is dominant, and if the gray beast gets its teeth all the way into you, it takes away not just positive feelings but everything until you're just a walking shell so empty you can't even fully comprehend what you've lost. The converse, when the black beast has you, can be much like you describe - you can still feel a kind of dreadful, frenzied joy in short moments as you cling desperately to the edge of the sucking dark hole in yourself, trying to ignore the beast's whispers that any pleasure is a lie that will just make the coming pain more stark and inescapable and utterly deserved. They're liars, but they're good at it. Because they know you, because they are you. Pieces of your mind that should serve you and keep you stable and safe, but somehow grown and empowered out of all proportion. To live with them and not let them win shows a kind of strength that most people are sadly unable to recognize."

OK. Keep calm, I know it sounds scary but I am used to these demons now. I will own them in no time.

So here's what I am planning to do:

1. Daily running to institute main gate and back in morning.

2. Meditation after that.

3. Nootropics or whatever is prescribed. Ex. Nuzac, flutinol

4. Using online CBT: Moodgym, this way up, Spruce and subreddit, do stoic exercizes.

5. Getting more desciplined and organized. good discussion Will make another post about dealing with this. Also, remember to do touch tasks that require effort and time, and reward yourself after achieving them. Keep diary and lists.

6. Eat only healthy stuff, stop eating crap.

7. Get involved with people, get out more and join clubs/ groups.

8. Write about how you feel, through poetry, stories, blog posts etc.

Other resources and links:

reddit resources 1, 2nd, nice comment, things that have helped

Buddhism and depression

nice blogpost

another nice blogpost- 21 tips

Marc angel's 30 things to stop doing

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